"For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light." -Psalm 36:9

My intention is not for this blog to be about my personal life, but I will share with you something that you may find relevant in your own life.  I find it appropriate to be setting my sights on equanimity this week, as I spent a great deal of energy last week not practicing equanimity, and I have been beating myself up about it.  My interpretation of equanimity is the ability to remain steadfast and bright in the midst of chaos.  My lack of equanimity was a reaction to my expectations not being met.  I lashed out impulsively, and realize now that I feel differently about many of the things I expressed.  Something that I know, but constantly have to remind myself of, is that expectations set me up for disappointment.  In the past week or so, my expectations have caused me to experience a lot of anger, hurt, sadness, anxiety, guilt, embarrassment, and regret.  I felt betrayed by someone I am very close to, and had I been able to see beyond my expectations, I would not have made this situation so hard on myself.

On the up side, I have successfully been able to channel this negative energy into a large amount of motivation and productivity.  Because someone was unable to show up for me when it mattered to me most, it has compelled me to show up 110% in all parts of my own life.  I do my best to live by example, and although it can be very challenging, I feel confident and empowered when I do so.  I have been kicking ass in most aspects of my life, and I have been able to reset my sight on my higher vision.  I realize that this particular situation is only a distraction and a roadblock to what I truly want in life, and I allowed it to stifle my own brightness.  I heard a quote recently that spoke volumes to me (albeit not verbatim), “do not be a prisoner to your pleasure or a slave to your pain;” I was succumbing to both.  I want people to see the light within me, and I want them to be drawn to it.

How then, can you maintain equanimity when your circumstances begin to waver unfavorably?  Allow time to be on your side.  Don’t view certain situations as an end-all/be-all; know that with patience, space, breath, presence, and intention comes great insight and clarity.  Do not be affected by the external—for your reality is only a manifestation of what comes from the inside, and your perception of the world is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself.  Keep your eyes on the light and life will happen accordingly!

“Do everything with a mind that has let go.”  -John Chan

XO,

E